a dream
About two weeks after any emotionally stressful event or moment in my life, my psyche loves to clear itself with a good cleansing dream. So right on schedule last night I had a dream that involved my mother, the tenth anniversary of whose death just passed on November 5th.
I dreamt that I was looking over a wall next to a vast, dark, endless body of water, my elbows on the ledge of the wall, and I began to speak to my mother in my head. Crying, I said things like "you left too soon...I wanted to share more of my life with you...I wanted to have you around to get to see my new home and get to know Bob better." Suddenly I was sitting at a large banquet where the tables were full of many people. I was chatting at length with someone across the table from me, vaguely aware that Bob was at another table behind me in the room and would be leaving soon to go on a long trip, one that I would not be joining him on. I turned from my conversation to find him already wearing his coat at the end of my table, ready to leave. He was the most handsome I think I'd ever seen him as, smiling mischievously, he remarked, "I thought you'd just keep talking into our old age." I reached across several people to hug him, which made me have to reach up even more from below than I normally do, much the way my mother had to reach up to hug my father. "You know I love you very much," I whispered into his ear. "You know that right? I love you very much."
I dreamt that I was looking over a wall next to a vast, dark, endless body of water, my elbows on the ledge of the wall, and I began to speak to my mother in my head. Crying, I said things like "you left too soon...I wanted to share more of my life with you...I wanted to have you around to get to see my new home and get to know Bob better." Suddenly I was sitting at a large banquet where the tables were full of many people. I was chatting at length with someone across the table from me, vaguely aware that Bob was at another table behind me in the room and would be leaving soon to go on a long trip, one that I would not be joining him on. I turned from my conversation to find him already wearing his coat at the end of my table, ready to leave. He was the most handsome I think I'd ever seen him as, smiling mischievously, he remarked, "I thought you'd just keep talking into our old age." I reached across several people to hug him, which made me have to reach up even more from below than I normally do, much the way my mother had to reach up to hug my father. "You know I love you very much," I whispered into his ear. "You know that right? I love you very much."
3 Comments:
sniffle, sniffle
wonder what it meant?
My mom died when I was 37 and I got a late start on the setting-up-house-home-and-relationship part of my life that I know she would have enjoyed, so I think the first part of the dream was pretty self explanatory. The second half of the dream reminded me very much of the relationship she had with my dad: funny, affectionate, long lasting. So maybe something in my psyche was telling me that even though I feel like I missed out sharing my life with her, I have something of her with me in the way my life has turned out. Who knows?
Maybe it just meant seven fat years and seven lean years and I should start saving grain.
I only ever have four types of dreams...Vivid, techno color, LSD trip dreams that involve me constantly chasing something over obstacles and through loud music and never finding it... or dark dreary dreams in shades of grey in which I'm usually trying to save someone (usually my two boys)... or hot sex dreams about someone who's always perceived as J (but never looks like him) where we have LOTS of spontaneous sex in very public places... or ones in which something I find very odd is happening yet I'm the ONLY person who seems to notice that anything is "off" and I spend the entire dream thinking and saying, "Hellllooo! Does anyone find this just a little strange?" No one ever does.
OK! I want your dreams instead. I want a nice, sweet, loving, cleansing dream. :)
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