tall skim no-whip corporate nonsense
Let's take a break from the "I Can Do That For You" saga for today. Bob and I both have said we can't wait until we no longer have any reason to say Diane or Mahesh's name again, which we hope will come soon enough. I'll finish that story off the next time around.
But for today, I just came back from Starbucks. Yes, I support the behemoth because they're the only ones that can make a cup of coffee to my tastes. Like it or not, it's fresh, it's dark, it's rich and there's no cheap-ass French Vanilla sneaking in through the grinder or the drip basket. Believe me, I try little independent coffee shops as often as I can, but I never get the cup I want. So, please don't hate me, Dorothy! You know Dunkin' Donuts is just as corporately menacing and the stuff at the sidewalk cart will never suit me.
At any rate, there has been a goofy development over the past couple summers at Starbucks that I've been meaning to address. Years ago when I ordered my first small Frappuccino with some chocolate syrup, no whip cream and low fat milk the server hollered out "tall skim no-whip mocha frap" and the barista chanted back "tall skim no-whip mocha frap!" I know some may find the Starbucks code pretentious, but I kind of like it in a pragmatic way. It's concise, it's exact, it sounds like what it is: a caffeine rush, a cup of kick-ass. It's a no-nonsense version of something that could be considered nonsense. The first time I heard it I decided to memorize it for the next time, and every time after that. Forget how geeky that may seem, it was efficient and the servers gave me free things for being a regular.
But sometime last summer, when I ordered my "tall skim no-whip mocha frap," the server hollered an unexpected mouthful: "Can I have a tall skim no-whip mocha Frappuccino blended coffee beverage." What was that? At first it felt like just an awkward mistake. Then it happened on my next visit, and the next. After a while it began to disturb me, the way singing and dancing waiters in retro-burger joints disturb me. "All this AND minimum wage" goes through my mind. I'm surprised the poor servers don't have to make little parenthesis with their hands and murmur "trademark symbol" somewhere in the middle.
So, when did the corporate types decide to force their employees to say a completely unappetizing mouthful every time I order a drink? "Blended coffee beverage?" Can I get that with a side of monosodium glutamate? Not only does it NOT sound like something I want to drink, I have been so embarrassed to make the poor employee repeat the refrain, that I've stopped ordering fraps all together.
Make that a "tall skim no-whip red eye" instead.
But for today, I just came back from Starbucks. Yes, I support the behemoth because they're the only ones that can make a cup of coffee to my tastes. Like it or not, it's fresh, it's dark, it's rich and there's no cheap-ass French Vanilla sneaking in through the grinder or the drip basket. Believe me, I try little independent coffee shops as often as I can, but I never get the cup I want. So, please don't hate me, Dorothy! You know Dunkin' Donuts is just as corporately menacing and the stuff at the sidewalk cart will never suit me.
At any rate, there has been a goofy development over the past couple summers at Starbucks that I've been meaning to address. Years ago when I ordered my first small Frappuccino with some chocolate syrup, no whip cream and low fat milk the server hollered out "tall skim no-whip mocha frap" and the barista chanted back "tall skim no-whip mocha frap!" I know some may find the Starbucks code pretentious, but I kind of like it in a pragmatic way. It's concise, it's exact, it sounds like what it is: a caffeine rush, a cup of kick-ass. It's a no-nonsense version of something that could be considered nonsense. The first time I heard it I decided to memorize it for the next time, and every time after that. Forget how geeky that may seem, it was efficient and the servers gave me free things for being a regular.
But sometime last summer, when I ordered my "tall skim no-whip mocha frap," the server hollered an unexpected mouthful: "Can I have a tall skim no-whip mocha Frappuccino blended coffee beverage." What was that? At first it felt like just an awkward mistake. Then it happened on my next visit, and the next. After a while it began to disturb me, the way singing and dancing waiters in retro-burger joints disturb me. "All this AND minimum wage" goes through my mind. I'm surprised the poor servers don't have to make little parenthesis with their hands and murmur "trademark symbol" somewhere in the middle.
So, when did the corporate types decide to force their employees to say a completely unappetizing mouthful every time I order a drink? "Blended coffee beverage?" Can I get that with a side of monosodium glutamate? Not only does it NOT sound like something I want to drink, I have been so embarrassed to make the poor employee repeat the refrain, that I've stopped ordering fraps all together.
Make that a "tall skim no-whip red eye" instead.
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